Theorizing the Perfect Fighting Game for Scrubs

What are the most common salty complaints in fighting games? “I swear I pressed the right button!” “Why did your move hit?!” “It’s not fair that I practiced this combo and you have to do less!” “Combos are cheap! Why should I have to put down my controller whenever I get hit?” Scrub gripes are often contradictory and based in whatever is convenient for the player, so if you were to truly cater to the scrub, the solution would be to wipe that all away and let them do whatever they want, whenever they want. So here’s my idea: give every character permanent super armor.

For those unfamiliar with “super armor” in fighting games, think of most classic Mega Man games. In boss fights, Mega Man recoils whenever he takes a hit, but the enemy robot masters never flinch, and will continue to execute their attacks even as you damage them. I believe the ideal scrub fighter would be such that all playable characters would be like Mega Man bosses, and hitstun as a concept wouldn’t even exist. The character Mech-Zangief already exists in some older games with this ability, but it would be roster-wide.

No blocking. No throws. Plenty of combos, but none of the combos would actually prevent the other player from continuing to hit buttons. There would be literally zero ways for an opponent to interrupt a player’s actions, and it would only become a matter of who could land more of their attacks against an opponent who’s moving around and trying to land theirs.

Would scrubbery still happen? Of course. You can’t truly defeat it any more than you can defeat anger itself. But maybe by being absolutely uninterruptible, the scrub can panic mash to their heart’s content, and thus derive joy.

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