I’m in a pretty good spot in my life. I value the work I do, I love continuing to write this blog, and even my social life is as comfortable as I need it to be. While this might sound like I’m humble-bragging, that is most definitely not the intent. Nor am I setting up an example for others as to how to succeed. Rather, this is a reminder to myself to remember what it’s like to be a “nerd lost at sea.”

From a young age, I knew I didn’t quite live up to the expected masculine image presented to me in society. I didn’t want to watch sports, I was physically weaker than my friends, and had little desire to get stronger to make up for this. I would rather read a book or play a game. I spoke (and still speak) in a rapid mumble that is difficult for everyone but my closest friends to understand. I also remember all those times I was part of one internet community or another, and someone would come in after being gone for months, and all they could talk about is how life was so much better once they abandoned childish things. If it made them happier, then that’s for the best, but there was always a problematic assumption that the hobbies were at fault.

Things have worked out for me more or less, but I try to tell myself that while I’ve progressed a lot, there are fundamental aspects of me that haven’t changed, and they don’t necessarily need to change. Also, I’ve found my way to shore, but I don’t have some guaranteed winning formula. There are as many factors outside of myself as there are within, and remembering the doubts and struggles I’ve been through (and still experience) is my way of not forgetting where I came from.