Hi, it’s Machamp with Cross Chop!

The Pokewalker is diabolical.

So the latest Pokemon game, Heart Gold/Soul Silver comes with a pedometer onto which you can transfer Pokemon and take them for walks. As you take steps, you get points in order to do things like get rare items and catch Pokemon. It’s partially designed to curb piracy, as not only is the Pokewalker something that you can’t really pirate, but the cartridge for the game itself has infrared sensors on it, so just having the rom isn’t enough.

But that’s not why it’s so fiendishly clever. The real and more sinister reason is that it’s going to get kids addicted to walking.

Consider the mentality that brought us “gotta catch ’em all,” the mentality that puts small children on the same wavelength as hardcore World of Warcraft players grinding up to max to open up the real game. Now apply it to light exercise. You could very well have kids just going out for long walks practically every day!

To some extent, it feels like saying, “Hey kids, if you get an A on your test, you can get a LEGENDARY POKEMON,” or, “Hey adults, the only way to defeat this super hidden boss is to FILE YOUR TAXES.”

Really, Wii Fit was a nice try, but it’s no Pokewalker.