Category Archives: bad humor

Chunno Azusa: A Chinese-Japanese Mahjong Tile Comparison

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He’s So Dreamy

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I’ll Be Waiting for My Check, Japan

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Anime and its fandom have managed to create personifications out of everything, from computer operating systems to charcoal to cans of soda, applying many of the popular character tropes to them and creating a fun logic exercise you can also get your rocks off to. At this point, you might ask, what’s left to capture the hearts of moe otaku everywhere? But I have the answer.

Imagine, if you will, a world where toilets are transformed into cute, beautiful girls. Modern toilets are a triumph of civilization, carrying with them notions of human progress and indoor plumbing, but at the same time also have quite a bit of variety to them. The division between the different characters could be along brand names, or along type. Personally, I think the latter would be more favorable for the purposes of creating a show/franchise.

The squat toilet could be the traditional yamato nadeshiko-type, while the high-tech toilet with the self-warming seat and such could be the enthusiastic computer geek. The french bidet would be the really classy one. And of course, the urinal would be a total tsundere tomboy.

And I don’t need to say anything about how the doujin community would utilize this fertile ground.

All in all, I think this is what you’d call money down the drain.

(By the way, I’m open to ideas for the title.)

The Crux of the “#animeconprotip”

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Anime fans on Twitter had quite a bit of fun yesterday suggesting “advice” for those new to anime conventions under the hashtag #animeconprotip.

“A can of Axe body spray is way cheaper than a hotel room with a shower.”

“You’re definitely the funniest guy in this room. Hell, you could talk over this whole showing and nobody would mind!”

“You don’t need blindfolds or a swimming pool to play Marco Polo. Just shout it nonstop for 72 hours! Everyone can play!”

“the ideal length for a cosplay skit show is between 5 and 8 hours.”

I even joined in myself:

“Cosplay is an activity for everyone to enjoy. Except that bitch who totally doesn’t deserve it. Is her dress made of FELT?”

“Make sure to ask all of your questions in five-minute long strings of broken Japanese. Without translating for everyone.”

Now I know that this sort of thing can come across as bitter old con veterans railing against those gosh darn whippersnappers harshing on their 8-tracks and combustible engines and running water, but the actual point of the “anime con pro-tip” is simple and profound: be considerate of others.

It’s not a matter of shame or worrying about the judgment of others, but rather the simple fact that you are sharing a space with other people for a period of 3 days, and that no one benefits when everyone not only inconveniences each other but does so purposely.

You should shower at conventions because Body Odor makes open areas unbearable and enclosed ones absolute torture. You should not be talking during the entirety of an anime showing because you are not the only person in the room and similarly you should take other people into account when you go about screaming through the hotel/convention center. Cosplay skits should be kept short because other people have their own skits to perform, and cosplay itself not solely there to act as an exclusive club where the main goal is to boost your ego. And I understand the desire to speak to a Japanese guest in Japanese, but remember that not only do other people have their own questions to ask, but they would like to understand your question as well.

So in short, think of others, and think of how you would like to be treated.

Or, to summarize it along the lines of the trend which started all of this:

“Being with tens of thousands of other people is just like being in a room by yourself, so you should act the same way!“

If You Combined Azumanga Daioh with Initial D…

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…Yukari would be the death of street racing. (Also the death of people.)

…Everybody’s favorite toy would be the rollacorolla.

…Osaka would try to block her opponent on corners by sticking her arms out.

Okay, I know there’s definitely better/worse ones out there. So now it’s your turn.

NOW ONLY PLAYING IN MY HEAD

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Lately I’ve been spending a lot of time doing nothing (by necessity), and whenever I have about half an hour’s worth of time to take up, I think about how that’s roughly the span of a TV show. And so I engage in the same failed exercise: I try to form an original anime episode in my head and pretend I’m watching it from start to finish. I’ll play a poorly thought-out song in my head, maybe have characters talking about something with some kind of goal in mind, and then try to progress from there. Eventually I get tired and have to take a break.

Then I look at my watch and realize that it’s only been five minutes. This is why I call it a failed exercise.

This reminds me of how when I didn’t have a music player while exercising, I used to sing anime openings in my head as I used the treadmill. The opening to Getter Robo was a favorite, and the best part was that if I lost track of a song it didn’t really matter, and in fact starting over could be seen as a good thing as it acted as further distraction.

ABeshi!

I Actually Woke Up Thinking About This

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Poketousen
Dragonair Destiny Bond
Growth Gardevoir
Extremespeed Exeggutor

Yes, I know they’re all illegal moves.

What is the Most Moe Kickboxing Tournament?

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K-On! World Grand Prix

There Are Two Kinds of People in This World: Winners and Trolleys

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In Anime World Order’s look back at the previous decade of anime, guest Matt Alt talks about how the true successor to giant robot anime isn’t current giant robot anime, instead bestowing that title to those shows which spawn trading cards and games revolving around collecting. Essentially, the true spirit of super robots lies not in the continuation of the aesthetics of giant robot anime, but rather in their ability to push merchandise.

Considering this point, I can only think about how much more today’s anime for boys fosters a sense of competition, with trading card games and the like being at the center of children’s entertainment. The kids don’t have to be competitive “high-level” players, and they don’t even have to necessarily know the rules, and I still think these games, even if their shows talk about friendship and honor, still push the theme of competition more than anything else. Just the fact that there are  specific rules and stats and points means that, in a given activity, there will be winners and losers, even if it’s just cheap plastic being spun in an enclosed space. In contrast, that’s not really possible when you just have toy robots and the like. You can perhaps beat your friends by collecting more toys than them, or even create arbitrary rules of competition or even create fake competitions between your toys as Cobra Commander attacks with his vicious horde of My Little Ponies, but at the end of the day there’s no definitive way to become King of Make-Believe.


Well, almost no way.

This in turn got me thinking about the anime fandom and how we have figured out ways to compete via anime. The act of watching cartoons is not really an area in which you can determine winners and losers (unless you say that we’re all losers), so the community instead focuses their competitive spirits towards anime-related activities such as making music videos and cosplaying. These competitions are far more subjective in their criteria and human judgment is paramount in determining winners, but all the same we have taken a relatively passive activity and found ways to test our abilities against others.

I don’t really have a grand point I’m trying to reach, as I’m just laying down some thoughts. But be it through subjective judging or concrete goals, I don’t think an increase in competitive spirit is really a bad thing. That said, it can be taken too far.

Guys We’re Gonna Make America Skinny Again One Poke at a Time

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Hi, it’s Machamp with Cross Chop!

The Pokewalker is diabolical.

So the latest Pokemon game, Heart Gold/Soul Silver comes with a pedometer onto which you can transfer Pokemon and take them for walks. As you take steps, you get points in order to do things like get rare items and catch Pokemon. It’s partially designed to curb piracy, as not only is the Pokewalker something that you can’t really pirate, but the cartridge for the game itself has infrared sensors on it, so just having the rom isn’t enough.

But that’s not why it’s so fiendishly clever. The real and more sinister reason is that it’s going to get kids addicted to walking.

Consider the mentality that brought us “gotta catch ’em all,” the mentality that puts small children on the same wavelength as hardcore World of Warcraft players grinding up to max to open up the real game. Now apply it to light exercise. You could very well have kids just going out for long walks practically every day!

To some extent, it feels like saying, “Hey kids, if you get an A on your test, you can get a LEGENDARY POKEMON,” or, “Hey adults, the only way to defeat this super hidden boss is to FILE YOUR TAXES.”

Really, Wii Fit was a nice try, but it’s no Pokewalker.