Tag Archives: confidence

Japanese is My Friend, Even If I Forget About It Sometimes

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I’ve been studying Japanese for a number of years now, and often times I worry about my Japanese ability slipping. When it comes to language, it”s true what they say about using it or losing it, and as I do not have many opportunities to regularly converse in Japanese for extended periods, I think about the possibility that my Japanese is getting less potent.

But even as it risks fading into a less than satisfactory state, I am reminded that I have spent a lot of time and effort into learning Japanese. In fact, I have recently been using it to great effect in my jobs, and even if my capacity isn’t perfect, that I’m able to accomplish a task on account of my Japanese fluency is almost a reward in itself.

I also know that my usage of keigo is severely lacking, but I think they forgive me because I’m clearly not a native speaker. That’s one barrier I intend to pass someday.

To Understand Nazuna

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There are characters out there who are accused of being overly bland. They’re decried as dragging the quality of a series down below where it should be, and not contributing as much to their respective series as other characters. More recently, this accusation has been leveled at the new girl Nazuna in Hidamari Sketch Hoshimittsu.

While I believe it is possible for characters’ blandness to hurt a series (see a large number of harem shows), and I also understand the desire for characters that aren’t wishy-washy, I feel that in many cases, particularly with Nazuna, these criticisms do not do these characters justice.

By comparison with the other girls in Hidamari Sketch, Nazuna can definitely seem more “bland,” especially because of her passive personality, but I think that passive personality goes a very long way in making her a good character. While the entire rest of the girls in Hidamari Apartments are artists and creative types of all varieties, ranging from a computer graphics specialist to a published writer of short stories, Nazuna is not. Already meek and soft-spoken, this deals a subtle blow to her already wobbly confidence levels. Because she worries about not being “good enough” or “smart enough,” Nazuna is sometimes afraid to speak her mind. The other girls don’t really think any less of her, but in her mind there is a wide chasm separating her from the others. She worries that she might not truly “belong” with the others.

Personally, I think this quality of Nazuna’s makes her a fine character, though I can see why others dislike her. I’m somewhat hesitant to bring out the “moe” argument in all this, but I think it really applies here. Nazuna is a very strong example of a character with a lot of “moe” to her, in that those who like her enjoy the fact that she has such a complex, while those who think she makes the show worse probably think that such “blandness” is the last trait any character should have, especially in a comedy like Hidamari Sketch.

Now you might think that Nazuna is getting a free pass because she’s a girl and that she’s cute, but the idea of having trouble finding some place to belong is a common trait among people both male and female, and this extends to characters as well. To find one, we need go no further than my favorite series, Genshiken, and its main character, Sasahara Kanji.

Sasahara is a somewhat closeted anime fan who in the beginning hasn’t developed his taste in anime anywhere in particular. To some extent he is a reader surrogate, being a newbie to the wild world of PVC figures and doujinshi, but over time his experiences with Genshiken enable  him to mature as both a person and as an otaku. Overall, he is a well-written character.

Moe is not really a factor in real life and when dealing with real people, but it is an abstraction of reality. And so it’s a very real worry to have, to think that you’re just not good enough to hang with your friends and that they might just be humoring you. I once talked to a friend from high school who told me that while hanging out with our group of friends, they were always concerned about not being interesting or quirky enough. I don’t think any of us thought of that friend in that manner, but there it is.

Fear, Hesitation, and the Creative Process

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I was recently overcome with the desire to start drawing a multi-page comic, something I haven’t really done in three years. It’s a little too early to talk about what the comic is about specifically, especially because the concepts and characters are still swimming around in my head and anything and everything is subject to change.

What I want to talk about is fear. It’s a specific kind of fear, and I don’t know to what extent it applies to others. At the beginning of the creative process, I get an idea, and occasionally it turns out to be a good one. But then fear sets in. What this fear says is, “I’m not good enough to do this. I shouldn’t be doing this at all. I should improve my basic skills before I even consider doing something.” Improving one’s skills separate from the project at hand is not something I believe as necessary, but it’s in that moment of fear and hesitation that it seems to resonate and overwhelm other thoughts.

Ultimately, it comes down to the (unreasonable) idea that the mistakes might tarnish the eternal soul of the creative work. If I release it to the wild that consists of the eyes of others, calling it a final product, and it’s not good enough, then there won’t be a second chance. That’s the sort of thinking that is so threatening to the life of a project. It really is dangerous thinking, too. This poison concocted from the fear of consequence, fear of failure, and fear of the unknown can paralyze body and spirit, and make any goal seem unattainable. Again, it’s not something that holds up when I’m able to distance myself, but when caught up in the middle it can take a toll on my confidence if only for the briefest of moments.

I tend to eventually overcome these mental roadblocks, though the more I think about it, the more I see that this doesn’t only apply to the creative process. There are many aspects of life where fear is the ball and hesitation is the chain, and I’ve yet to unshackle. Maybe if I can think of it this way, I can move forward.