I have a fairly small background in fine arts, and when I was younger, I would occasionally attend gallery openings. An explicit function of those things was networking, an activity I disliked immensely. As I got older, I came to understand that you don’t have to be “fake” in those scenarios and that meeting new people can be a good thing, but I’m always glad that the party eventually ends, and I can always go back to my regular life.

For some people, that degree of social interaction might be what’s “normal.” They’re more personable and extroverted than I am, and that’s great. But between the combined 15+ years of grindset culture and grifting culture, I find myself more often in an uncomfortable defensive posture against networking. Whether it’s everyone trying to curate their own brand on social media (including what kind of fan they are) or IRL encounters at anime conventions that carry the same energy, I feel that it becomes harder to make new friends.

I’ve never been one to befriend a ton of people, and as I get older and older it admittedly has only become more difficult. But even putting aside my own circumstances, a part of me worries that too many people (especially those younger) are being trapped in a mindset where human connections are merely there as stepping stones to get ahead, to improve and spread your “brand,” and to find “you scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours” situations. While this has always existed to some degree (classic “schmoozing actor in Hollywood” trope and all that), it seems to have become the norm even for those like me who would have largely shied away from these spaces. And even if they want to avoid all this, they are compelled to enter the fray simply because capitalism demands it.

I see a lot about people feeling lonely and isolated, and while there are likely deeper societal issues contributing significantly to this, I think exhaustion over trying to figure out how real or fake someone is might well be higher than ever. It’s like everyone is convinced or coerced that they must be “on,” and so the fraudulence is coming even from our own selves.